your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
