I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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