your parents love me but you hate me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You left your phone here
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