Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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