Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
