Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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