So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
