he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
