I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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