she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
