david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
