And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
