Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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