Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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