I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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