her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
