I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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