I hate all girls vehemently.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
