HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My life is pants optional.
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