he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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