The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
