i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
