Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
