remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
