Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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