She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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