Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
