theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
