Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
