My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
home. puking in laundry basket.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
