Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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