Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
