he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
