The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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