DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
