youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
