Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my shit smells like andre
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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