am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
