She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
