A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
