i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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