All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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