Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
