so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
