I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
