First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Floor bacon is actually really good
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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