i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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