yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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