nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
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