You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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